Tag: tired

Life Quirks: Integrating Changes & Cats

TJ

Disclaimer: this is a place of learning, safety, and hope. Take what you want from the post and forget the rest. Maybe this will help you. Maybe it won’t.

I am a perpetually messy person. The more I try to clean, the more mess I make. It’s almost like the mess feels safer than clean spaces – sometimes. But not always. And then I expend more effort into cleaning up only to find the mess back again days or weeks later.

So I think to myself, how can I possibly be responsible for another living being if I am a perpetual mess with stuff everywhere? Can a messy person be responsible for a pet and keep things clean enough for everyone?

Or are my triggers getting in the way again? Maybe both?

But that’s my goal for this year: adopt a cat and become a pet parent.

So now that I’ve committed to doing this, I’ve been researching the cost for a basic set up – all the items I need in the house BEFORE the cat arrives – like litter boxes/scoops, litter, box liners, food/water bowls, bed, scratching posts & toys, mess cleaner, and storage. The carrier and food I can get at the same time as the cat – adoption center on my list has an in-house store.

But then I worry how old should the cat be? What about my garden? Not all the plants are cat friendly.

And then I visit the adoption website and start applying for cats – the new COVID guidelines are strict and require filling out an online questionnaire first. Then receiving a phone call for the next interview. If I’m not #1 and do not answer the first time, they move on to the next person on the list…

Yet again I ask myself, when will be the RIGHT time if not now? Will there ever be a RIGHT time?

But the idea of a cat at home brings out all my warm and fuzzy feelings…intuition says YES now is the right time.

Because if I can join an inclusion and diversity council at work, have video meetings with new-to-me coworkers, talk politely to customer service people on the phone after LONG wait times, and work on a business when the flashbacks are peaking, I can handle a cat too. Right?

Well, I hope so. I don’t want to be doing so much that I exhaust myself. But at the same time, I want to have meaningful downtime. And that’s not happening right now.

“Ants in your pants” is the phrase that applies to me. Some parts of me are revved while the other parts are dragging themselves.

How do you know when you’re ready to integrate a big change? Or do you not know and just go for it?

That’s my quandary right now, so not much available in the way of strategies and advice this week. But if you’re interested in some aromatherapy or tea recipes, check out my other blog here.

thanks for reading.

Self Care: Sometimes “Doing Nothing” is “Doing Something”

TJ

I don’t know about any of you, but sometimes I wonder whether or not “doing nothing” is a contradiction.

Why?
Because choosing not to do anything is doing something.

Even when I am not moving, active, or working on a physical task, my mind is still working.  My senses are working.  Something is occurring.

Plus, being tired slows a person down, correct?
Eventually, “slowing down” becomes “stopping”.

In  this case or situation, does “stopping” mean “relax” or “rest”?
For me, yes.  For others, maybe.

Still…

Even if I am not doing anything (aka doing nothing), my body is doing something

My body is digesting food, healing itself on the inside, circulating blood, breathing, and providing energy for future use.

 Conclusion

Sometimes, but not always, DOING NOTHING is actually DOING SOMETHING.  You don’t have to see or hear or smell or taste or touch what’s happening for it to be real.  You don’t have to believe or have faith or approve of these opinions.

You can accept that sometimes more happens when a person stops and takes a moment to exist than in all of the minutes, hours, etc. spent being busy.

Reflection Questions circling my mind

What is Self Care other than doing something that helps you feel good about yourself or take care of yourself?

How would being busy all the time help people feel good about or take care of themselves?

Finally, how can anyone really help and take care of other people if she or he does not take care of herself or himself first?

Thanks for reading.

Survival Mode: When everything just feels wrong

TJ

Yesterday was the first day all week that I left my apartment and the building.

Sometimes life is too overwhelming.  Thoughts stick in my head; refuse to leave.  Everything tastes funny.  My body feels off, but I”m not sure how or why.  My mind is foggy.  So tired, yet unable to sleep.  Everything feels wrong.

But then, it is March.  My mind tells me I”m supposed to feel sick and lethargic.  My body is trying to recapture those sensations through body memories.  Runny nose, allergies, blocked sinuses, colds, infections, and a swollen face are my spring norm.

Instead, the opposite is happening.  The herbs are working; all of the clogged up spaces around my eyes, nose, ears, and jaw are opening up.  Sure, it feels like a major head cold.  The sensations of stuff moving inside surprise and distract me sometimes, but they don’t hurt like in the past.

For the first time since childhood (maybe), the red, puffy, stuffy, tender places around my nose and cheeks are normal colored, smooth, and comfortable to touch.  As those areas drain and heal, so do other parts of my body – including the muscles that usually tighten and prevent me from being active.

Why does that feel so wrong?

something-wrong-eagle
From Google search of “Feels Wrong” images

Probably because I shouldn’t be feeling this healthy, happy, and good, not according to the rules the monsters drummed into my head.  I’m supposed to feel miserable and sick.  To gross out my peers and teachers with my constantly runny, dripping nose and sneezing.  To have to stay inside because of my colds.

How did I get that way?  Still can’t remember.  But the dreams share fragments of stories.

Between this and what I learned among family, my mind has been blown.  Literally.

Survival Mode

Next week, I go back to therapy and counseling.  IT can’t get here soon enough.

Until then, I’m coping as best as possible with the conflicting feelings and sensations inside me.

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If you’ve read past posts, you’ve seen this quote before.  But it’s a good reminder for me right now.

Do as much as I can.  Remember to feel everything and let go of what doesn’t belong.  Keep on moving; there is an end even if I can’t see it.  Finally, backlash is OKAY; it mean’s I’m doing something right.  I survived backlash before.  I’ll survive it again.

Thanks for reading.

Self Care: Sleepy Day & Short Post

TJ1 Comment

I planned to write a follow up post about coping strategies for air travel when everything goes wrong.  That ways my Thursday/Friday experience traveling home.

But I’m too tired.  My body and brain ned to decompress before the work week starts up on Monday.  After crossing 3 time zones in 1 day and being awake for about 40 hours straight (including airplane naps), every part of me just wants to rest.  Our sleep deficit has not been this bad since before moving here.

Happy Sunday to anyone in the Northern Hemisphere.  Happy Monday to anyone in the Southern Hemisphere.

May you all take time for sleep& self care today also.

Thanks for reading.

Admin Post: Down with a Cold; nothing until next Wednesday

TJ1 Comment

Hi All,

For the first time in a long time, I have a real cold – not body memories pretending to be a cold or sinus whatever or allergies – a stuffy nose, possible fever, body aches, coughing cold.

What made me realize the difference?

  • A cold, dry nose yet couldn’t breathe through it
  • Coughing – I hardly ever cough
  • A constant chill – not from the already chilly temps in my apartment
  • Nausea – the kind that sticks in your chest/throat and wants to come back up
  • and the other half of nausea – yup vomiting

Body Memory cold symptoms are:

  • Headaches & sinus pain
  • Uncontrollable sneezing/nose blowing
  • Dizziness
  • Allergy symptoms
  • and asthma symptoms

How do I know this is true?

  • Evidence-based past experience with my doctors and medical practitioners.

So I am going to try and be good this week.  Lots of self-care.  Trying to self-soothe.  Hot drinks.  Soup (delivery or takeout).  Rest.  And staying warm.

See you all in a week.

thanks for reading.