Alter Post: New Year Resolutions

Every year my alters and I decide on a goal for the year.  Then we break it down into smaller parts or objectives to work from now until December.  Sometimes the goals are big and have to be broken down into parts.  Other times, the goals are simple and straightforward.

Last year’s goal was to stop hiding.  It was broken down into 6 parts:

  • Take classes about personal style
  • Create and define a personal style
  • Improve interpersonal communication (face to face)
  • Go out and socialize more
  • Learn to love my physical self and start shopping for clothes that suit my personal style
  • Let outsiders see and meet who I really am by wearing clothes that express my personality and using confidence to interact with others

This year’s goal is part of a life long commitment that involves all of my parts working together.

Self-compassion; being kind to ourselves and each other; reaching out to each other for comfort, soothing, support without fear of triggering everyone in the system; and learning to depend on each other for assistance is the overarching goal.

It’s big and ambitious, true.  It also will help us cope with anything that threatens our emotional safety outside of our safe places.  That means we are free to travel, socialize, and enjoy new experiences with less fear of triggers taking over and causing problems.

So here is our goal for the year: learn to be kinder to ourselves and each other through compassion and multi-tasking coping strategies that help every alter in the system.

  • The multi-tasking part is relatively simple for us; we’ve been doing it for a while.  Learning to feel safe and confident enough to reach out and use multiple coping strategies together is tougher.
  • Help child and adolescent parts feel safer and more confident with themselves and the adult alters so that they are not afraid to reach out and ask for comfort when triggered
  • Find ways to let child and adolescent parts take part in learning new skills and spending time with adult parts; i.e. spending quality time together either doing nothing or working on a hobby, etc.
  • Finally, have child and adolescent parts be more assertive and learn to advocate for themselves when they require assistance or comfort so they can express what they want or need and get the help, support, etc. they deserve

And if this goal goes into next year, that’s ok too.  We all want every alter in the system to feel like he or she belongs and to know that she or she is a valued member of our family.

Thanks for reading!