Physical Self Protection...How will you express it?

Series: Care Protection Expression Part 2 – Physical

Disclaimer: this is a place of learning, safety, and hope. Take what you want from the post and forget the rest. Maybe this will help you. Maybe it won’t.

My goal with this series is to:

Show you learning paths that empower you to feel secure and safe in who you are so that you can go out in the world, be your authentic selves, and achieve your goals without feeling the need to hide or be held back by your past experiences.

What is considered Physical Self Protection? And why does it matter?

Physical Self Protection means more than self-defense, an alarm system, and weapons. It includes:

  • Feeling safe inside your physical body wherever you are
  • Making healthy lifestyle choices for nutrition and movement or exercise
  • Meeting essential needs of food, shelter, warmth, and clothing in ways that suit your life and budget in the present moment while also giving a sense of joy and satisfaction because you CAN take care of yourself in the most basic ways
  • Personal finance education to learn how to make good spending and investing choices

My process started about 7 or 8 years ago when I decided to break from my family. At the time, I had very little money and less interest in doing more than survive my “new independence”. Rent, medical bills, utility bills, food, and transportation ate most, if not all, of my budget back then. But I also couldn’t afford to get sick or end up in the hospital either. That put my job and independence at risk.

And I was tired of hiding behind ugly, ill-fitting clothes and a meek persona. Invisibility was safe and protected me as long as I didn’t mind observing instead of participating in life. Up until I got a full time position at work and left my family, invisibility felt inevitable for someone lacking confidence and not wanting to be noticed.

While I didn’t much like my physical self (body, face, etc.) at the time, I was learning to love, respect, value, and feel confident in the rest of my self. And I was ready to start making that change from invisible to acknowledged. Nutrition and physical health improvements were already part of my care routine, but I didn’t know anything about style and clothes. Nor did I know where to start looking for something besides fashion that focused on body types and colors. And my “friends” at the time were not exactly helpful either.

So I started a new project: positive self image through personal style. There had to be a way to make my insides and outsides match just like I was doing with nutrition and physical activity. But also within my limited budget.

Fostering a neutral/positive self image through personal style

When I feel confident and safe, I look and act confident and safe. People are less likely to target me.

But what happens if I feel confident and safe, but don’t appear confident or safe to others? People are likely to continue treating me as they always have.

If I feel good on the inside, I want to show that on the outside too.

Does that resonate with you? Because it’s how I started on the personal style journey and found Inside Out Style Blog and Imogen Lamport (creator). She discussed personal style as an expression of our authentic personality and how body/face shape, color palette, etc. are all small parts of the whole package. While primarily an image consultant for women, she has consulted with experts in men’s style and shared those tips on her site too.

I wrote about this journey in some past posts and added information about this blog to the Resources page too. You can read about the results and see some photos in “My Style Manifesto”.

However, looking and feeling stylish WAS NOT the most important lesson I learned as part of that learning group. Here are some lessons:

  • I can share who I am (sometimes how I feel) with others without talking at all through my physical appearance.
  • When I make time to put together thoughtful outfits that feel good against my skin, fit well, and express something about myself, I feel safe, secure, confident, and able to interact with others outside of my safe spaces
  • Every one of us in the 7 Steps to Style Program was on a “recovery journey” of our own to find, express, and feel confident in our authentic selves as women no matter our age, sexual orientation, race, country of origin, marital status, personal experience, or financial status.
  • As we completed the 7 Steps, many of us used our newfound skills and experiences to create new business and job opportunities in alignment with our values.
    • One of these people is Liz Klebba of Closet Play Image based in the US. She created an image consulting and personal style business to help empower women to enjoy expressing themselves through personal style while still blending in and feeling appropriate in different environments. You can learn more about this by checking out her post called “Why Trends Matter“.

How can you protect yourself with an expression of your style that fits within your budget?

Creating ways to add movement into your daily routine (physical fitness)

As I’ve mentioned before, I do not have a typical exercise routine or participate in sports these days. In fact, I have not done any of that on a regular basis since college. Not because I didn’t want to participate, but because the pain in my body combined with panic attacks and flashbacks made such activities impossible without also experiencing shame and embarrassment.

So I started by incorporating more movement into my daily routine slowly. Grocery shopping meant walking to and from the store with totes and portable shopping carts that navigated stairs. Walk to and from the public transportation stations and work. Plus house cleaning and laundry require lots of movement + energy + time.

And I move a lot when preparing food and cooking. My pantry and dishes are all in shelves under the sink or counters. My utensils hang from hooks above my head. Reusable containers live on top of the refrigerator/freezer.

What are some ways you can change your routines and environment to include more movement?

Adding sensory grounding strategies and tools (physical objects) to your every day life style (aka magic bag)

I touched on this a little in the last two sections, but there are so many ways to include physical objects or touch stones in our every day lives to help us feel grounded and safe in the present moment. Here are more details based on the examples above.

In the personal style section, I mentioned putting together outfits with clothing and accessories. Wearing clothing and accessories can be a confidence-boosting, joyful sensory experience if we allow it.

  • Clothing has a texture and evokes a tactile sensation as it rests on and moves with the skin on our bodies.
  • Accessories also have a texture and evoke sensations as they move with, enclose, or rest on our skin/hair, etc.
  • The colors and patterns or prints engage our visual senses and bring out different emotions – not always consciously.
  • And let’s be honest here, our shoes, jewelry, even clothing sometimes, make sounds as they move with us – thus engaging our auditory senses.

Why not choose fabrics and textures that feel good agains our skin? Choose prints, patterns, and colors that flatter our coloring and remind us of positive emotions? Include accessories that remind us of positive experiences and express our genuine interests?

In addition, there are other portable items we can take with us and use discreetly wherever we are.

Healthy snacks and drinks engage our sense of smell and taste. Sometimes even our visual and tactile senses too. If sustainability is a personal value, reusable containers add in another element of self care. Plus bringing your own food instead of buying take out can be budget friendly and give an excuse to get creative too.

Aromatherapy and herbs come in many portable forms these days. You can carry them in pockets, backpacks, and handbags. Take them out and use when you need a moment to yourself without disturbing others or making a mess. Then put away for use in the future.

Then there are less obvious physical grounding objects we can take with us. Some are more portable than others. Here are some examples:

What are some items you can take with you to feel safe and grounded as you navigate the outside world?

Incorporating physical protection or grounding objects throughout your living environment

Plants and sunlight are the two most important grounding objects in my apartment right now. I often feel like I’m still living in the cage when I can’t leave my apartment. Plus I worry about privacy since some of my neighbors and I can see in each others’ windows. So being able to grow plants and keep my windows unblocked bring the outside world in when I can’t go out.

After that, I’ve worked hard to save money and purchase home goods like bed linens and towels made with different fabrics and textures that feel good against my skin and help me with some of the PTSD symptoms and side effects.

Bed first, the rest comes later 🙂

Two examples here:

  1. Bed linens. I experience night sweats and intense nightmares that soak/stain my sheets, pillows, blankets to the point where I had to get up and sleep somewhere else multiple times a night. Can’t tell you how many polyester pillows and acrylic sheets I ruined with the constant washing and sweating. Or how often I ended up with unexplainable rashes and acne or contact dermatits because of the fabric rubbing against and getting into my skin.
    1. Solution: purchase pillows, bed linens, blankets, etc. in fabrics with natural antibacterial and cooling properties – i.e. linen, wool, and percale cotton (organic if possible)
    2. Problem: cost and expense of replacing everything at once
    3. Solution: prioritize self care and move 3/4 of money from “fun” to “home goods” until I replaced all of the items on my list.
    4. Reward: purchase a book, see a movie, or something equally fun, budget friendly and frivolous after I buy 3 items.
  2. Cleaning and laundry products. In college, I learned that my body and nose were extremely sensitive to conventional cleaning, bath, and body care products. The smell made me physically ill or caused breathing problems. And the chemicals gave me rashes, acne, eczema, etc. That included: cosmetics; cleaning products; bath & body; perfume; and laundry products.
    1. Solution: research how to make my own cleaning products or find non-bleach and petroleum based cleaners, detergents, and soaps. Or stop using cosmetics, etc. I did both for a while.
    2. Problem: back then, the sustainability and “green” movements were grassroots and not well known. Not many products available on the market.
    3. Solution: compromise. Use a combination of aromatherapy and recipes from diy housecleaning websites/books/blogs to keep things clean at home.
    4. Reward: fun experiments with essential oils, mixing cleaning solutions. Find a learning path that led to this blog and other job opportunities. Apply my personal finance education to be “thrifty” and meet goals.

Crystals, stuffed animals, books, and figurines on my alter spaces and walls come in second. In my living room and bedroom, I have what I call “alter space” or “sacred space” for objects of meaning and spiritual or emotional power. They are combinations of objects arranged a certain way on corner shelves and remind me of my past and present. Before, my living spaces were bare because I used them as a place for sleep and storage. Now, I have a real home that reflects who I am and how I choose to live.

Do you have certain objects at home or work that act as protection to help you cope with stress or flashbacks?

Pulling it together

I protect myself and feel confident moving through the outside world because I’ve learned how to use every day objects in creative ways as armor or shields – aka grounding objects. The learning process was and continues to be difficult with lots of mistakes and challenges from expected and unexpected sources.

For example, I used to be afraid of anything related to my senses because I thought “sensual” was another word for “sexual”.

As I learned that sensation, sensual appreciation, and sensuality DID NOT EQUAL sexuality or sexual anything, my whole world expanded.

Self Protection = Self-Care
Protection is a confident expression of our Authentic Selves
Is a vital aspect of Self-Care
Provides Techniques to be assertive in how we choose to ensure our safety
  • Sensuality and Sexuality are different.
  • A person can be sensual and indulge in sensual experiences without falling into addiction or having to engage in sexual experiences.
  • Pleasure can equal joy and peace.
  • Grounding strategies teach people how to uses their physical, emotional, and spiritual senses to feel safe in and focused on the present moment wherever and whenever they are.
  • Confidence and security in oneself are the best kinds of protection and can be expressed in physical ways. Some are visible to everyone while others are more personal and customized to individuals.

These days, sensory grounding is an essential tool in my toolbox of coping techniques and strategies. I use it all the time.

Finally, physical protection provides a strong foundation to become emotionally, spiritually, and energetically protected too.

Thanks for reading.

Series: Care, Protection, and Expression of Self Part 1

Disclaimer: this is a place of learning, safety, and hope. Take what you want from the post and forget the rest. Maybe this will help you. Maybe it won’t.

Photo by Rahul Yadav on Pexels.com

Hi and welcome.

I have not written a series in quite a while and wasn’t sure if this one would work out. But after the last two posts, I decided the topic of self-protection couldn’t be put off any longer.

My goal is to share a part of this series every week starting today. I/we all hope this information helps you feel safer, more secure, and more confident living in the outside world too.

What is Self Protection?

Some people call protection “armor” or “shields” or “barricades” or “Weapons”. Others use words like “wall” or “boundary” or “barrier”.

No matter the terms or labels used, protection means keeping oneself safe, feeling safe, and staying safe wherever we are in the world. Sometimes that means physical safety. Other times it means emotional safety. Maybe spiritual or environmental safety is required to feel safe and connected to the present. Many people consider the obvious choices for self-protection and often forget that protection can be anything as long as it keeps us safe.

Self Protection in and of itself is neutral. Intention matters and can change what seems like a negative or destructive act of protection into something positive and healthy. The reverse is also true.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Examples: comfort food, exercise, video/computer games, and sleep.

That said, protection can be aggressive (guns, knives, shouting, bullying) or defensive (walking away, wearing body armor, or installing an alarm system); visible (medical alert bracelet) or invisible (mantra or positive affirmation); constructive (positive, safe, helpful, useful) or destructive (harmful, mean, dangerous, negative).

Sometimes the obvious kinds of self-protection are not as effective as we want or hope at helping us feel safe. That is where creativity and self expression come in to play because all parts of me believe this:

There are as many ways to protect and express ourselves as there are living beings in this universe.

AlterXpressions

How does it connect with Self Expression and Self-Care?

Self-Care includes being able to protect ourselves from danger. How we protect ourselves and what kind of danger we need protection from depends on the individual. We are unique beings with our own learning styles and ways of self-expression. Each of us has different fears and requires different kinds of options to protect ourselves. What works for me might not work for you. What works for you might not work for me.

But what does work for all of us is learning the tools and skills that enable us to protect ourselves. The first step in that is understanding the different types of self-protection available to us. Then comes the hard part:

  • Learn the tools and skills (self-study and exploration, apprenticeship and mentoring, or educational classes – they all work)
  • Practice and apply that knowledge in our own lives (requires persistence, self-confidence, resilience, and making mistakes)
  • Use creativity and imagination to customize the the tools and skills to fit our needs (fosters positive self-image/body image, self-expression, and thinking outside the box)

In doing this, we all learn to safely express ourselves, feel more confident and secure in who we are as individuals, foster positive self-image, and empower ourselves to be independent.

4 Types of Self Protection Discussed Here

Physical Self Protection

More than self-defense, an alarm system, and weapons. It includes things like:

  • Fostering a neutral/positive self image through personal style
  • Creating ways to add movement into your daily routine (physical fitness)
  • Adding sensory grounding strategies and tools (physical objects) to your every day life style (aka magic bag)

Emotional/mental self protection

  • Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skills
  • Sleep Hygiene routines
  • Awareness strategies (self, other, emotional intelligence)
  • Self-Reflection, solitude, or alone time

Spiritual Protection

  • Spiritual practice rooted in unconditional love and acceptance
  • Meditation and breathing exercises
  • Energetic shields around my self & home
  • Meaningful, positive connection with self and others (aka support network)

Environmental Protection

  • Physical safe place(s) – home & a few other places
  • Mental safe space(s) – alternative to dissociation
  • Spiritual safe space(s) – aka nature, religious building, sanctuary as defined by you
  • Home decorating with feng shui & energy clearing practices

Final Words

Whether you are a trauma survivor or not, self-care is vital to our overall health and wellness. Self protection is one small part of self care that can teach and empower us to feel secure, safe, and confident in ourselves. It’s a process that takes a lifetime to learn and apply. But in the end helps in obvious and unexpected ways.

My goal with this series is to:

Show you learning paths that empower you to feel secure and safe in who you are so that you can go out in the world, be your authentic selves, and achieve your goals without feeling the need to hide or be held back by your past experiences.

Thanks for reading

Recovery: 2018 Reflections – family & life

What a year it’s been…

So many changes and discoveries. Reconnecting with family. Enjoying time with family.

Creating new paths. Learning different ways to live and thrive beyond survival. Opening up to the wonders of the universe.

Finding a spiritual path & a way to make dreams come true.

CATCHING UP…

Last Week with Family

Other than typical air travel issues, the visit went well. My family and I spent quality time together enjoying each other’s company, giving gifts, and eating great food. My dad and I got to spend some alone time together and with the rest of the family. My brother and sister-in-law are happy; we hugged and talked and laughed on Christmas.

As for time with mom, we carefully started rebuilding the bridge again. It got tense at times, but someone was always around to help smooth things over. In the end, we shared contact information; this way she can reach me if she feels like it.

My mom’s side and I didn’t get to meet after all. Between the flight delay and busy schedules, 4 days became 3 days full of other activities. In the end, we promised to see each other next time I travel back east.

My dad’s side of the family hosted Christmas this year. Seeing my younger cousins for the first time in a while was filled with anxiety on both sides. We weren’t sure how to interact at first, but things got easier with time. We ended up laughing and talking by the end of the visit – that felt great.

My aunts and uncle and I spent some quality time together too. We talked and caught up with life before giving gifts. Things got a little tense with one aunt, but that was expected. Her way of coping with fear is to push people away. Some time apart (and maybe conversations with others) helped both of us work it out for a pleasant rest of the visit.

Finally, I got to spend some quality time with my grandmother. She wasn’t doing well on Monday – my first day visiting – and spent a lot of  time sleeping. On Christmas Day (Tuesday), she was awake and more present – enough to enjoy opening gifts, talk, and eat dinner with us.

We had a chance to talk in private. I told her how much I love her and that she doesn’t have to worry so much about me anymore. I’m healthy and happy and safe, so she can focus on taking care of herself and doing what she needs to do to feel healthy and pain-free.

Milestones, Changes & Goals

For the first time, maybe ever, I completed all of my goals for 2018. That felt good and acts as a symbol of the many positive changes that happened this year.

Of the many changes that occurred this year, the biggest ones have to do with the transition from survival mode to living to thriving. Here are 3 on my list:

  • Open up to others in the outside world – making friends & connections; going to workshops; participating in events & activities at work – because I feel safe on every level of being (spiritual, emotional/mental, physical)
  • Change my self-image in order to be assertive at work and act on my dreams – job changes, go back to school, continue writing this blog, work on my spiritual practice
  • Find closure with my past by embracing my shadows and connecting face-to-face with family again

As for milestones, my biggest one is letting go of the fear that held me back for so long by finding my faith again and choosing to live a life rooted in unconditional love and acceptance. For every individual, finding that faith in a higher power; believing she or he is deserving of unconditional love and acceptance; then opening up to receive those gifts is a unique and difficult journey.

The New Website & Aromatherapy

My other web site and blog is in progress, but on hold for right now. Other priorities got in the way of completing the pages and starting the new blog, so it’s empty and will be for another few months.

As for aromatherapy, I’m still taking the online classes in between work and life. It’s slow going, but lesson 1 of 7 is finally finished. The aromatherapy blends work well and smell great. I used them to help with some cold and sinus problems that affect me every fall/winter season. Lesson 2 is in progress.

Questions for Guests

What will/do you reflect on for 2018?

How do you feel about the milestones, changes, successes, or lessons learned?

What will you leave behind or take with you into 2019?

Final Thoughts

2018 was an incredibly positive year. Many unexpected successes and positive changes tempered by some losses, more than a few lessons learned, and much confusion. I’ve discovered a spiritual practice that suits my solitary nature and allows me to believe in God and other wise beings or deities without having to choose a specific religion. The openness of this spiritual practice helps me develop my other gifts instead of fearing them and teaches me how to listen to my intuition too.

Feelings still confuse me. Being in crowds still has a negative effect on my memory. I am not (nor will I ever be) 100% comfortable or relaxed outside of my home, but I can utilize coping strategies to get at least 80% comfortable or relaxed now. Most important, I feel safe interacting with other people even when triggered or feeling severely anxious.

Personally, I’m looking forward to many surprises and possibilities in 2019 🙂

I wish all of you a happy, healthy, prosperous 2019!

Thanks for reading

Family: Birthday Reflections

pink green and yellow ribbon illustration
Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

Birthdays always feel odd to me.

On one hand, I enjoy celebrating life and am always grateful for my second chance.  Every moment is precious, and all parts of me look forward to the day laugh lines appear on our face.

On the other hand, I feel extremely annoyed about all of the expectations that used to come with birthday celebrations.  Parties, going out, being around people, and all kinds of activities that were meant to be “fun” ended up something else in my personal experience.

My favorite kind of gift is when someone close says “happy birthday” and means it.  If the individual chooses to give me something too, that’s always appreciated and valued.

person holding inflatable decor
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Giving and receiving of gifts means a lot to many people.  I have a hard time accepting gifts sometimes.  It goes back to my past trauma, triggers, and fears.  Wanting something and asking for it as a gift – didn’t always get me what I wanted.  Sometimes it got me the opposite.

But these days, I can trust the people who want to give me gifts to give me something I will enjoy instead of something they think I will enjoy.

My best gift today was talking with my dad on via video chat.  We talked for an hour about so many different topics.  I got to see his smile and hear him laugh.  He passed the device around so I got to talk with my aunts and uncles too.

It was a great start to my day and brings out hope that things will keep getting better.

My last birthday wish (or hope) is for all of my guests to have a fun day or peaceful sleep after reading this birthday post.

Thanks for reading.

Recovery: Life Lessons from Taking the Mask Off

Often I am asked about how I went from being a psychiatric patient and homeless drug addict to being a registered nurse and a supervisor at some of these facilities. While there is no magical answer to that question, there certainly have been some valuable life lessons learned along the way. These are 10 of the life lessons I have learned over time, which allowed me to continue on this journey.

via 10 Life Lessons I Learned as a Psychiatric Nurse- and Patient — takingthemaskoff