Sensory Movement Challenge Day 5: An Energy Healing Circle and Jars

Disclaimer: this is a place of learning, safety, and hope. Take what you want from the post and forget the rest. Maybe this will help you. Maybe it won’t.

Energy Healing Circles

As an empath and a sensitive person in general, I tend to get overwhelmed with energy and emotions coming from others. It’s not something easy for me to discuss or open up about outside my circle of people who also experience and work with energy on different levels.

Yeah, I still get made fun of and harassed for being like that. But the truth is energy work is a foundational part of my life and recovery journey. So when I find mentors and healers who can teach me how to cope with the influx of energy coming towards me (and often gets stuck inside me) more effectively, I do that.

And when said instructors offer community healing circles and sessions via live stream at an affordable price, I join in and participate. It’s my way of being part of a community of people without having to physically share space or interact with people. We interact on an energetic level with the mentor/host acting as a conduit and connection for us all to share energy and healing and support as a mini community for the time we meditate together.

During the 1 hour healing session, we worked on 2 healing meditations to receive energy and messages from the Source (what our mentor calls God/Goddess, etc.). I cried during the meditation. And also felt a weight lifting off of me as I let go of energy that didn’t belong in my body.

Breathing in and out, I followed the air as it traveled down my lungs, into my sides and back, down through my abdomen and hips, finally back up and out my nose and mouth. Along the path, I felt buzzing inside my body and heard motorcycles driving by outside. It felt like the motorcycles left a trail for the energy that didn’t belong to follow as it left me.

As we moved into the next part of the meditation, I got messages from my dead baby. If you want to know more about that, you will have to search through past posts on Untangled Connections. It’s not something I can write about here and still share on Scent Reflections. But the gist of it is that one of my rapists got me pregnant when I was 15 years old. Three months later said rapist and colleagues aborted the baby. Details about that part of my life are locked away in a trauma amnesia vault.

I didn’t even remember being pregnant or having an abortion until 2014/2015 and have been through the shame and guilt of not remembering before then + flashbacks, etc. ever since. Hearing my baby talk to me was one of many messages that came during the session. Even now, as I write this, other messages are coming to my consciousness.

Is this too “out there” for you? If it is, feel free to ignore anything about energy work and move on to the next section.

Exercise 2: Opening Jars

Have you ever considered what muscle groups are required to open jars? Or how much a person can move when opening and closing jars? Especially when those jar lids don’t want to open?

Well, I mentioned yesterday or the day before about “breaking out the herbs and honey” to make tea. All my herbs and honeys are in jars with twist lids. Mason jars, glass jars reused and re-purposed after the original contents were used up. And original jars the honey came in.

The mason jars are relatively easy to open dry. But add hot water over herbs, and things get tricky. Use jars or thermoses with silicone rings to minimize spills, and suction or air-tight closures make opening the lids a challenge too. But the dried honey in a twist cap jar + air-tight seal is most difficult to open.

I am mostly left handed and use my right hand/arm to hold jars steady while the left one twists. But not always. Sometimes, the right hand grip works better, so the left side holds jars steady. You’d think I only use hand and arm, but that’s not true. Being a short person, I use all the leverage I can get to open jars. That includes shoulders and torso to twist and open the lids. Often with help from a jar opener. But even the jar opener is manual and requires me to grip and twist to open the lids.

The sensory grounding part?

  1. Sound of me cussing as I listen to the lid scraping against the jar, but not moving or opening. Sound of jar opener scraping against the lid.
  2. Sound of hot water being poured into a bowl and splashes as I put the honey jar in the water to warm it up.
  3. Texture of the metal lid, plastic/silicone jar opener, glass and paper label in my hands.
  4. Texture of the oven mitts and towels I used to get a better grip on the jar
  5. Sound and feel of my palm hitting the bottom of the jar to pop the lid’s seal
  6. Smell of ginger infused honey when I finally get the jar open

And yes, I practice hard to be and stay present while opening jars because sometimes, rarely, but often enough opening a jar triggers flashbacks.

So would you consider the process of opening, closing, and moving jars a worthy exercise for the movement challenge?

Reflection

This morning’s healing circle helped me understand the purpose of this challenge and the purpose of being vulnerable and putting myself out there for the Facebook live session on Sunday.

I am open about not being a “people” person. And that’s true to an extent. I have many difficulties physically being around people. That makes helping and supporting people difficult too. So I created my business and my volunteer work around helping people through indirect interactions like blog posts and images.

But new responsibilities at work have helped me feel more comfortable interacting with others over the phone and via video streaming. So, while I am often abrupt and honest to the point of rudeness, I am willing to make time to offer healing and support to my guests at both websites via Facebook live.

You don’t have to respond early. You can just show up if you want to do so.

I admit to being terrible at social media and how to get likes and follows, etc. I admit to not knowing how to get people to comment on posts either. In my mind, any and all of that is completely voluntary and an extremely personal and private choice. I am more of a lurker than a commenter and very rarely comment on my favorite author and website blogs either. So I will not pressure others to do something that I refuse to do on a regular basis.

Plus that’s never been my goal. The fact that you like my blog and visit here means more than you can imagine. And sure, it’s bad business to not promote my blog and try to get lots of “likes” and “follows”, etc. Same with not joining affiliate programs and letting others advertise on my sites. And also with commenting on and following other bloggers and websites, etc.

But that’s not why I joined Facebook or started any of those things. I’m just trying to figure out low cost solutions to communication issues. If people want to write to me safely, I want them to be able to do that. Then I want to be able to respond to them too. Not 1 week later. Not 1 month or more later because their comments got caught in the spam filter. But within 1-3 days.

FACEBOOK LIVE – Sensory Grounding and Healing meditation in my garden

And so I am listening to the messages from Source and trying to find ways to follow them.

One message is offer more support to my guests. Offer them healing meditations and videos.

Give them a chance to ask questions and comment.

Let them feel connected to a community and open it to more than just a blog post or website.

Self Care is more than making sure the practical parts of basic needs are met during this scary time. It’s about staying connected, feeling hope, experiencing laughter and joy, moving even when we feel stuck, and remembering that we are resilient people.

In Sunday’s Facebook live, I will be sitting in my indoor garden with a piece of chocolate, some crystals in a bowl, and other fruit as I talk you through some of the sensory grounding meditations that I’ve written about here on Untangled Connections. Maybe on Scent Reflections too. You don’t need to bring anything except yourself and a grounding object.

You are welcome to join me during the live 1 hour presentation or watch it on your own time later.

Thanks for reading.

Sensory Movement Challenge Day 4: Working from the Inside Out (aka energy work/internal body movement) — Scent Reflections LLC

This post discusses movement from a meditative or internal perspective. If you saw me doing this, you would think I was sleeping or meditating or both because the parts of my body you can see weren’t moving. This type of movement exercise requires an open mind, body awareness, resilience, and trust or faith in self and a higher power for guidance/support. Read if you like, but skip otherwise. This blog is about offering practical options and resources, not causing stress or problems or anything else.

Sensory Movement Challenge Day 4: Working from the Inside Out (aka energy work/internal body movement) — Scent Reflections LLC
It is not so much what you believe that matters, as the way in which you believe it and proceed to translate that belief into action

Quotes & Affirmations: Thoughts from Lin Yutang

Disclaimer: this is a place of learning, safety, and hope. Take what you want from the post and forget the rest. Maybe this will help you. Maybe it won’t.

I don’t have much to write about this week. Instead, I decided to let quotes speak for me instead.

Lin Yutang is a Chinese-born writer and philosopher whose work speaks to me deeply. I read The Importance of Living early in my recovery journey and experienced a life-changing moment that continues to positively influence my life now.

Any good practical philosophy must start out with the recognition of our having a body
It is not so much what you believe that matters, as the way in which you believe it and proceed to translate that belief into action

Thanks for reading.

ADMIN Post: Quiet weekend, short post

Due to the extra post this week, this one is short.

Between the nightmares and the stuff with my parents, body memories acted up and caused lots of pain last week. The pain was bad enough that I cried a lot, had some trouble eating/sleeping, and eventually had a panic attack.

Thanks to meditation and acupuncture, the pain has lessened a lot. But I’m still tired, feeling low energy, and slightly dehydrated from all the sleeping & meditating.

On the good side, a lot of the body memories are starting to leave my body. As it moves, the puffiness and swelling go down too. My muscles start to relax more, and everything feels less painful.

So this weekend is a slow one.

What are your plans for a slow weekend?

thanks for reading

DID Post: Follow Up of Last Week’s Coping Strategies

Catching Up

Last Sunday, I couldn’t post because all parts of me got hit with intense body memories and flashbacks.

Literally, the monsters in my mind tried to take over by staging a coup. The traumatized parts of my alters got triggered and sent mixed signals to my brain. It felt like getting sick with a cold and the flu at the same time all over again. Plus, I still had to work and finish tasks before my vacation last week.

Types of Change in My Life

There are times when change happens so fast, a person is left flailing around unable to keep up with it all.

There are times when change happens, and the individual has enough awareness to fight it, roll with it, or try something else. Either way, the change(s) does not overwhelm the individual.

Then comes the slow change  that silently creeps up on a person, the kind that goes unnoticed until something happens to make it obvious. Kind of like an “I should have known that would happen” situation.

A Quick Detour to Explain Hallucinations vs Intuitive Communications

Option 3 is what happened to me two weeks ago. Unlike a lot of people I talk to about PTSD, I am completely aware of my hallucinations as they occur. I can tell the differences between them and reality in the present moment. My hallucinations are obvious to me because they are consistent in their appearance – hearing voices, seeing exaggerated and transparent forms of beings/cartoons/creatures (aka ghosts), and feeling certain body sensations – and different from the sensations and vibrations my plants use to communicate with me.

Sometimes I still get confused when my empathic senses or intuition tries to share information. But that is a case of “am I hallucinating or is my intuition talking to me?” Working with my spiritual mentor has helped me a lot with that question. I feel a lot more confidence sorting through the different sensations and information that triggers my hyper-vigilance and body memories.

Back to Last Weekend

It started on Wednesday when I woke up feeling sick and had to take a “sick day” from work. My nightmares were getting worse and bleeding into day dreams that distracted me from…well everything. I started wanting to be awake all night and sleep all day. While I was awake, the voices kept up a steady stream of shaming insults about anything and everything.

I was tired, distracted, confused, and congested with a lingering head cold. All that increased my palpitations (side effect of high anxiety levels) and made breathing difficult. The high anxiety made tense head and neck muscles tighten even more. No matter what, I just couldn’t get comfortable. So I slept as best as possible and drank lots of tea. Distracted myself with podcasts about essential oils, aromatherapy, and herbalism. Focused on trying to figure out why the pain increased no matter what coping strategy I tried.

Then it hit me. Maybe one or two weeks before, while shopping for holiday gifts at my favorite store, I ran into a different spiritual teacher. We talked, and she suggested that maybe part of my anxiety came from holding on to the past without realizing it…that maybe I (or parts of me) was projecting my hopes and dreams onto others and forging connections the rest of me didn’t want. It could be that my alters were growing, changing, and afraid to let go of the familiar.

That made a lot of sense. Headaches and pain that won’t go away no matter what I try usually means some kind of internal conflict.

I haven’t used the phrase “monsters in my mind” in a while, so let me explain. I and every one of my alter personalities experienced severe trauma of some kind. We all hold the memories in different ways (mental/emotional/spiritual) and in different parts of our physical body. The memories are attached to the “other stuff” (emotions / thoughts / behaviors / actions / reactions) we experienced and couldn’t process back then.

Our memories are neutral. The “other stuff” is what creates the monsters in our mind – the voices telling us how awful we are and that we are worthless, etc. Essentially, I and my alters are fighting ourselves when this happens – hence the term internal conflict. Sometimes a call to the hotline helps; the volunteers listen objectively and can help sort through the confusion. Other times, though, only meditation can help.

By meditation, I mean lying down someplace warm and safe (usually my bed), closing my eyes, and letting all parts of me out to communicate at the same time. We do a roll call to make sure all 88 are present. if anyone is missing, we go looking for them. We protect each other from the monster traps and any other potential problems that come with high anxiety and flashbacks.

On the outside, our body looks like it’s sleeping. Sometimes sleep talking and sleep laughing occur too. Our body might move on the bed, roll around or change positions, but it does not get up and move around. That kind of vertical movement is too dangerous. On the inside, though, all of us are aware of the different body sensations moving through our physical form as we check our internal home and its safeguards.

The safeguards are boundaries that protect our inside home and its safe spaces from the monsters. This worked well in the past because many of the triggers that caused these kinds of panic attacks and flashbacks came from outside of our body/mind self. We could retreat inside and do what was necessary to keep the monsters from invading and taking over.

This time, though, our safeguards were intact. The monsters were inside the safeguards and causing havoc.

How did they get in? They were already inside. These monsters were the hallucinations body memories given form as we alters learned to cope with and let go of our past. And the monsters wanted to leave just as much as we wanted them to go. But no one knew how to get them out.

A meditation that combined 2-3 different practices.

  • LovingKindness or Compassion: all parts of me opened up our home and safe spaces to everyone – especially the “monsters” and “outcasts” – with open minds and open hearts – kindness, compassion, acceptance, and unconditional love
  • Mara – in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition: They could stay and be part of the community for as long as they wished as long as they followed our rules. If at any time they wanted to leave,  the could do so knowing that leaving was permanent.
  • Visualization – The monsters liked to talk, so once one said “I want to leave” or something similar, a rainbow portal appeared – sometimes in front / side/ back, sometimes above, sometimes below the monster. Then the monster – who was decidedly not an alter personality – stepped through the one-way portal to go home.

Imagination and a love of fantasy combined with a belief in magic, miracles, and the paranormal helped all parts of me design this meditation.

Since all 88 alter personalities changed and had monsters ready to leave, the meditation took a long time. It started on Friday after work and continued through Sunday. There were times of actual rest and pause for food/drink, etc. throughout the weekend. But most of it was spent lying down in meditation.

One week has passed since that big self-care weekend, but I still get requests for portals.

And yes, if at any time one or more alter personalities decided to leave our system, I would open a portal for that personality. Before he/she/it left, I’d give a big hug and say good-bye. Then probably cry for a bit at losing part of myself. But I’d let that part go because trying force something to stay against its will goes against my values.

Yes, I am afraid that will happen some day. But if it does happen, there will be an excellent reason.

Until then, all parts of me continue to work on recovery together.

Thanks for reading.