Nurture, Support, Be Your Authentic Self. Organize and work with...not against...yourself

Writing and Blogging:

Coffee Plant inspiration as I look out the window. A little support goes a long way

Inspiration

The coffee plant is one of my roommates and great source of inspiration.

It and a few other plants keep me company near my work desk.

The stick in front of the coffee plant offers some extra support while the roots settle in after being re-potted.

So why add this image and description to a post about writing and blogging?

Because writing and blogging, like any activity, is not a truly solitary experience. At least, not for all parts of me.

Alters who can move and use our physical body will follow traditional writing methods – like typing or writing outlines and drafts in electronic or paper notebooks. Alters who cannot use our body have their own methods of “writing” and “drafting” posts. Then they pass the information to an alter personality who can use our body to share the post here.

abstract abstract background art art background
Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

My point being: we can all use some extra support once in a while because it’s really hard to get out of our own way.

Especially when we are the obstacle(s)  and don’t realize it.

Sharing my process

Since I couldn’t figure out a way to share my blogging tips without writing a short book, I decided to share the outline with you instead. This way, you can take what you want (i.e. anything that seems helpful), and discard the rest as you work on your writing and blogging skills

Concept

  • Overall Idea, goal, or purpose for this blog
  • Related topics you can write about
  • Who you are writing for (besides yourself)?
  • Are you going to build a community with comments?
  • Are you gong to not allow comments and keep this strictly informational only?

Due Diligence

  • Do your research
  • What you know and skills you already have to make this work
  • Knowledge Gaps and how to compensate for or address them
  • What platform are you going to use?
  • How much time and money can you afford to invest in this project? 

Organization

  • Choose a hosting platform – Blogger, WordPress, GoDaddy are a few examples
  • Create an account
  • Decide on basic schedule for posts and addressing comments (if any)
  • Keep it simple and build slowly
  • Will you add web pages too? How will they look? What kind of information will you add here?

Priorities

  • Do you want ads on your blog?
  • Do you plan to use the blog to make money?
  • Will you add the blog to your social media accounts?
  • How important is attracting followers? How will you cope with having or not having followers?

Simple Structure

  • Home Page or straight to the blog?
  • About Me page?
  • Contact or no contact?

Write

  • Are you going to add photos?
  • How long do you intend to spend on writing each post?
  • For a consistent look & feel, creating a formatting template (or 3) helps

Work Space

  • Where do you plan on working?
  • Is noise a problem?
  • How can you modify your work space to feel safe, comfortable, inspiring, etc.?
    • p.s. you can substitute “safe, comfortable, inspiring” for other words that suit your needs
  • Can you focus on our work with minimal distractions?
  • Can you take breaks and relax in your work space? Or will you go somewhere else?

Back to the Featured Image

Nurture, Support, Be Your Authentic Self. Organize and work with...not against...yourself

As you can guess, I am often my own worst enemy when it comes to success.

Hopefully this image inspires you and me (all parts of me) to be kinder to ourselves in all aspects of our lives.

Thanks for reading

Life Quirks: Pushing Too Hard, Sunshine, and Taxes

*long post…lots of information. Please read at your leisure*
taxes!
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Pushing too hard

If you recall about 3 weeks ago, I wrote a post about anger and self care.A week after that, I published the promised post about WordPress and blogging. And last week, I didn’t publish anything or look at comments.

It was not a good weekend for me. My lower half seized up that Friday morning, and I couldn’t get my hips/legs to work for a few hours after waking. I missed my morning acupuncture appointment, and then stumbled on shaky legs to my home office for the work day.

man holding hot water bag
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

As my body started moving, the pain levels and flashbacks increased. Saturday and Sunday were “stay at home and relax the muscles” days. Between resting and massaging the back/hip/leg muscles, I didn’t do much besides eat and try to move around the apartment. Note that I didn’t mention “sleep”. Sleep happens, but is not restful.

In general, winter is not an easy season. My sleep patterns get disrupted, and my body memories activate more often than at any other time. Recovery time between episodes is too small to be effective. Plus, it’s the busy time of year for my day job. Over time, deadlines, presentations, meetings, and covering for people on vacation – it all happens this time of year.

Beyond that, life gets in the way too. Classes, hobbies, “me  time” and plants require time and attention to thrive. How to juggle all that??

Such is the life of a person who wants to do more than her body can handle at the moment…

Sunshine

After about 3 weeks of rain, clouds, snow, and cold, this weekend was warmer and sunny! I mean blue skies, white clouds, and bright enough to hurt your eyes sunny. In the end of February. Hiding 30 degree (F) cold and wind. But still warm enough for a walk…

Instead of using the public transit, I decided  to walk to the store yesterday morning. It was about 6 blocks or 20 minutes – not a problem for me usually – wearing layers and a warm coat. About half way to the store, my body decided it didn’t want to walk anymore. The sweats started. Followed by hip cramps. And panicky breathing. Oh, and don’t forget the strange stares from passersby as I hold conversations with imaginary friends (aka my alters) out loud while walking.

IMG_0610Skipping ahead…

Being warm inside the store relieved some of the muscle pain and sweating. Odd right? But the sweating didn’t come from feeling warm; it came from anxiety about walking through an unknown neighborhood to a new place for the first time. Once that was over, the panic symptoms moved on too.

Warmth stops cramps. Cold makes the cramps worse.You’d think I would have learned my lesson from this, right?

No. My thrifty sense and stubborn need to be outside in the sun had me walking another few blocks to the next place on my errands list.

Did my pain yoyo with all the in-and-out? Yup.

Did the pain get worse? Not really. It concentrated in one location and had me limping after a few minutes outside. 

Is this normal? Yes, unfortunately. I haven’t discussed a lot about my physical pain here, but it’s on my list for some day.

Like the post about my mother, some topics are not easy to share or write about as soon as they get mentioned here.

Taxes

And so this brings me to the last topic for the post: Taxes

In the US, all taxes for the previous year are due on April 15 of the current year. Because of medical and work expenses, my taxes were complicated to work through so I tried to get them done as early as possible. And yes, I paid extra for professional help until the tax pros (as they call themselves) taught me enough to fill out the forms on my own.

person holding emoticon ball
Photo by Rahul Yadav on Pexels.com

But wait, wouldn’t the taxes be finished by now if you got them done ASAP?

Normally, yes. It prevents me from feeling extra stress.

This year, not so much. There was an issue with some of my tax forms because of circumstances beyond my control. Next, the new Tax Reform laws scared me enough to wait until after talking with a professional to decide next steps. That didn’t happen until last week. And the conversation left me still scratching my head.

But, the deadline draws closer. The next 7 work days will be extra busy during my day job. And I don’t want to do my taxes after the medical procedure. A) that’s way too close to the deadline for my comfort; and B) I want to do my taxes when clear=headed and as present as possible.

So this week, you get 2 posts. And maybe another one next week if I can swing it.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for your time.

As always, Thanks for reading.

Alter Post: A minor procedure in the future…Fear of Success…and contact

* Two posts this week because there’s a lot to share.* And both are long

A minor procedure

If you are new to the blog, you might not have read the posts discussing choicespregnancy, abortion, or relationships. There are quire a few as sexual abuse is one of the main reasons for me being the way I am, so don’t feel bad if you skipped them. I don’t wish that information on anyone and only share those experiences here as a way of sharing knowledge, resources, support, and hope with others.

Last week, I had my pre-op exam with the gynecologist who will perform a bi-lateral tubal ligation on me in 1.5 weeks. What is that? basically I’m getting my fallopian tubes permanently removed as part of a sterilization procedure.

In layman’s terms, I’m getting my tubes tied.

And I’m so excited that my emotions and body sensations have been yo-yoing all week. It’s finally happening. Yes, I am concerned about the anesthesia and some post-op requirements like the antibiotics and pain meds. But otherwise, everything is all set and ready.

Some OT this week and part of next week allows me to meet deadlines. Taxes today and next weekend will take a big load off of my mind. Some extended time off: 3 paid vacation days + compensation time from when I did OT + 2 weekend days = plenty of recover time.

My family has already sent some care packages too.

Other than some housekeeping chores – and I hope to get those done next weekend too – when my body feels less shaky, I am as prepared as possible.

Fear of Success

It’s been mentioned before. I fear success almost as much as I fear abandonment, rejection, and loss.

That said, I’ve been reluctant to write about (or even speak about ) my recent coping strategy and trauma recovery successes outside the safety of therapy or hotline calls. Sure, I might mention it to family or friends in passing, but they might not realize the significance beyond the task. Not like you, my  guests, might understand.

All my life, I’ve wanted to serve – not in the sense of being a slave or trod upon or giving away stuff for free, but to help others learn and achieve their goals through empowerment, knowledge, and access to resources – and work in a career that allowed me to help others while also learning a variety of skills to feed my curiosity about..well…life.

To start in reverse order, here goes:

  • Last week I presented updates about a task I took on for the team and asked for feedback from the managers group. The vp of our team and my boss were there too. Everyone asked questions, and there was a lively discussion.
    • The big success: it was the first time in all of my 36 years I spoke in front of a group without switching personalities, having a panic attack, dissociating, not talking when I thought I was (or the opposite), or getting triggered into reacting from a past experience instead of the present one
  • This year, my manager approved 3 goals that included me writing internal user guides for our team documentation
    • technical writing has always been a goal/dream of mine in terms of an alternative career path based on my college degree. After 15 years and many people telling me I couldn’t do be a writer, it’s finally happening
  • At the end of 2018, my supervisor supported me in working with HR to update my job role/description to match what I actually do so that I have a future career path at the company
    • This goal is all about self-acceptance and feeling confident enough to advocate for change after being told for so many years that you are not enough and don’t deserve to be heard.
  • Finally, my aromatherapy lessons are progressing to the point where I’ll be doing case studies and a research paper soon. That brings me one step closer to my career change goal. One that is re-defining itself even as I write this.
    • Insecurity that I am not enough (skilled, experienced, intelligent, capable) to create a successful healing practice that supports others on their journeys using aromatherapy as part of a trauma-informed, integrated healing support strategy
    • quite a mouthful, but all  true. I am not and never will be a doctor or medical professional.
    • I cannot and will not ever be able to heal people on my own or tell them what to do or cure them.
    • I can and will offer them choices and empower them to take control of their health in order to heal themselves by offering support, resources, and knowledge to work with what they are currently doing.

It seems like every time I think I know what I want to do when I grow up, life steps in and makes me rethink my conclusions.

Contact

I’ve come to the conclusion that people will have issues with contacting me no matter how obvious I make the links.

Same with the RSS Feeds, subscriptions, etc. 

  1. There are 4 RSS Feed or subscription buttons/links on the Sidebar to the right of every page on this site
  2. One button/link is for WordPress members to use
  3. The rest area for non-WordPress members to use
  4. Many web browsers do not support RSS Feeds anymore, so you may need to download/install an RSS Feed collector like Apple News to subscribe and get my blog or comments on your feed
    1. Apologies, but I am mostly ignorant about this topic. Only learned about Apple News when doing some research on my sites’s home page to address a guest comment earlier
  5. Some web browsers, like Opera and IE are not as compatible with WordPress integration systems (from WordPress support) based on code and software topics beyond my pay grade.
    1. WordPress is happy to work with you to address these issues if you email them questions through their customer support portal

I feel your pain, honest I do.

As someone who is not on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, etc. I miss getting updates from my favorite authors and news about new book releases, videos, etc. now that they moved all that info to their social media sites.

And so, I’m conquering another fear (of exposure/vulnerability./visibility) by moving the contact form to a public place on t he top menu bar.

If you really want to contact me, you can fill out that form. I do respond to those feedback emails as long as they are not obviously spam. The blog rules don’t apply to the comment form.

*All I do ask is that you be respectful and polite if you do send me an email through the contact form*

If you’ve gotten  this far, thank you for your time.

As always, thanks for reading.

SELF CARE: 30 hours awake, fear, and general oddness

Colorful butterfly contrasted with gray scale landscape of trees sideways behind a grassy hill with clouds in the sky. Key words: tired, hopeful, dreams, scared, confused
Self Care is hard…

Beginning with…

I admit it. I’m still afraid of my mother. I’m still afraid of being rejected by my father. Life goes on, but the fear stays. And instead of being my present adult self, I’m instinctively reacting to those fears. It stinks.

Makes life difficult because the instinctive reaction is not something I can control. Wasn’t even aware of it before the past two weeks. Life is bumping along, and then…boom! Family is back. Body hurts. Life feels so confusing. Am I losing myself? Why am I reacting without thinking?

Until finally (with help from counselors) it dawns on me. Dong dong dong…I’m not happy with the boundaries my parents and I agreed to about communication. And the fear of not being able to discuss it with my father bothers me on many levels. Plus, there’s mom.

Anything I tell her or write to her is something she can use against me. There’s no point talking to her about this stuff. A) she won’t care or listen. B) she’ll use it as a way to hurt me and add more drama to my life. But Still have to figure out something.

So I pulled on my big girl pants and wrote to my dad after a few hours of self care at home.

And 30 hours straight without sleep…

The self care:

  • Cooking dinner
  • Watching a funny movie with dinner
  • Chatting with a mentor via email
  • relaxing with some prime time TV

Then writing the email to Dad before the TV.

TV as background noise, and I’m distracted. For some reason, card games are on my mind. I find a free online card game (no gambling, account set up, etc. required) where I play against a computer and get engrossed.

9:00 PM rolls around, and I think to myself…one more game. But that game feels like it lasts forever.

10:00 PM rolls around, and I’m excited to watch the next show. But commercials bore me, and I get distracted by a new round of Hearts.

11:00 PM and I’m listening to the weather reports while playing Spades. The noise continues in the background. I keep playing, wanting to win one time.

2:30 AM a noise outside distracts me, so I look out my window. It looks like late afternoon with all the buildings and high rises lit up against a dark sky.

5:30 AM and the sky starts changing color, startling me out of my game. It’s too late for me to try to sleep; work starts in a few hours. After informing my boss, I start working on the day’s tasks. With the first one finished, we agree that I’m better off getting some sleep before starting the next one. I leave work early.

Self Care at its finest…

Some chocolate & tea to keep me awake as I start to drift off…

A phone call to the hotline to check in and try and remember strategies to help me sleep.

24 hours awake, and my second wind hits. A hot meal, and talk with my mentor leaves me feeling relaxed, but not sleepy.

Some hot chamomile tea and deep breathing sets the sleep mood.

I crawl into bed, under the covers around 2PM and finally drift off. But my body has other ideas…

  • Gotta use the bathroom..wake up…WAKE UP…ouch okay 5PM, and it’s time to take a walk
  • Huh…why so dark…my leg’s itching again…ouch…it’s not going away…9:00PM and it’s time for another visit to the bathroom
  • Dreaming…dreaming…who’s trying to escape this time? Oh wait, time to get up and go to work.

And so starts Thursday with the foggy, confused mind and beginnings of body memory pain.

Pain, bruises, dream-disturbed sleep, and 2 posts today

Thursday began with a headache and minor back/shoulder pain.

Friday began with intense, acute upper back/neck/should pain every time I tried to move my arms. Thankfully, my home made massage oil and steam blend helped enough to make working possible. Early to bed, late to wake up. More massage oil and some time with the self-massage ball on my back and shoulders.

Epiphany hits…it’s not my back that hurts, but the muscles around my arm pits and rib cage. The pain registers along my spine because the other muscles are still numb and can’t register pain. Yay for body memories…not. Late to bed, and late to wake up the next day.

Water the plants, worry about my ivy – it’s not getting enough water and needs to be re-potted – but not sure how to fix the problem yet. Pack a donations bag and off to counseling.

A one-two punch: new building management = lots of anxiety. When was I notified? Officially the notes were taped on Friday. Personally, I got them on my way to counseling. Yeah, new management and I just signed a 14 month lease…

Self Care: drop off some donations (clothing that doesn’t work) and get lunch at a new restaurant. Then visit my favorite store and the library. Enjoy the walking around and go home to relax. Some card games, lots of sleep, and more pain management until Sunday morning.

Pain Management: massage ball, light stretching, and finally looking at myself in the mirror – time to acknowledge the pain and see if it shows on my body. Surprise, yup the front of my chest and under my arm pits look slightly darker in color – aka bruised. And now I’m left wondering…what the heck did I do in my sleep between Thursday and Friday? Or is it really my body revealing it’s hurt so that all parts of me can start healing?

And here we are today…

I’m awake. The head hurts. The body hurts.

Took a walk earlier, but not as much fun in the rain and cold as other times.

Read comments, wrote to WordPress customer support, and published two posts.

That’s all for today.

Thanks for reading 🙂


Life Quirks: Technology Troglodyte

*This is for the guests who comment on my Home and About This Site Pages. *

The Trigger:

Technology scares all of the alters in our system.  For us, technology is a means to an end that allows us to avoid depending on paper for organization.

Some technology is also a trigger.  But other technology is useful enough that it’s become an integral part of my life (skip to the end for more on this).

Comment Question Addressed – you can stop here if you want…

Point is: this website, blog, etc. came about because I had to face my fear of technology for work and decided to apply the lessons here to create this website and blog too. Technology and electronics are a big weakness in my knowledge, experience, and lifestyle choices.

I learn what is needed to do my job and make life easier. The rest passes me by faster than cars pass each other on the highway’s fast lane.

Why? Learning is fun and appeases my curiosity. Technology, not so much. So I balance my need to understand technology with the fun of learning to improve this site.

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