Anniversaries: Changing the experience

To any who celebrate, Happy Easter ūüôā

I used to celebrate. ¬†But after my uncle died, Easter & Passover just weren’t the same.

As with most anniversaries, I experience the usual symptoms before, during, and after the specific day or days.

But this time, I tried something different.

What did I do?

Started with accepting my limitations:

  • Can’t leave my apartment building more than 2x a week
  • Can’t leave my apartment more than 3-4x per week
  • I’m happy if I can leave my bedroom for more than food and bathroom breaks
  • The auditory hallucinations are worse than nightmares or flashbacks, but mostly only happen at night
  • Cooking is difficult, but as long as I have healthy snacks I’ll be okay
  • Weight loss is inevitable with all the stress

Then figured out what I CAN do inside my apartment:

  • Vacuum and clean the floors
  • Dust the walls, ceilings, ceiling space
  • Take a bath
  • Clean my kitchen
  • Reorganize my space using feng shui to make it feel safer & more comfortable
  • Wear as much or as little clothing as feels good according to my body
  • Move my office to the living room

My apartment BEFORE the organizing (mess):

IMG_0421

My Living Room AFTER the organizing (progress):

Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom, hall, and closets are still Work-In-Progress (WIP), so no photos yet.

Take a class to help me work on building a better coping strategy toolbox and foundation

Deidre Fay has a new class called Foundations in Healing. ¬†I signed up for it earlier last week and have found it useful in many ways. ¬†The yoga & movement parts are still difficult for me, but not as triggering as when I tried her original class a few years ago. ¬†Once I get further into the class, I’ll share it as resources.

As it happens, I added 2 new Pinterest Boards regarding Feng Shui and Deirdre Fay’s Classes. ¬†If you are interested, the links are here:

Feng Shui Pinterest

Deirdre Fay Classes Inspiration Pinterest

Thanks for reading

Quotes & Affirmations: Changing the Conversations in my head

I started book binging earlier than normal this holiday weekend.  The books helped distract me from the pain РI hate taking pain pills Рand work through some tough flashbacks from the last few days.  Plus I like this author and have some of her books in my electronic library.

All of us were looking for a good read about strong people working their way out of tough or unusual situations – learning to trust and feel safe again; finding family and real friends; and of course some kind of positive resolution to the plot conflict – and her books sometimes do this.

So this quote is from Thea Harrison’s book¬†Night’s Honor. ¬†It’s part of a series, but can be read as a stand-alone book.

I don’t have a fancy graphic for you, but will do my best to make it look interesting:

he said, “To get to where Marc or Jeremy is, you have to change the conversations in your head.

She frowned uneasily. ¬†“What do you mean?”

“When you face confrontation, you have to decide if whether you live or die is part of the agenda. Either you fight to survive, and that’s your goal, or you fight to put your opponent down, no matter what the cost. ¬†Those are two different conversations, and the decision for them has to come from here.” ¬†He tapped her on her breast bone with the back of his knuckles. ¬†“That basic choice affects your capacity to act in the world. ¬†You can train as much as you like, but you won’t ever become what they are until you decide to.”

One of the lead secondary characters, Raoul, is talking to the female lead, Tess, about her choice to train in martial arts, physical fitness, and other aspects of being a Vampyre’s (author’s spelling) attendant in his master’s house.

She joined the house, not because she likes vampyres or that world, but because she needs the safety and protection that comes with being a member of that type of household.

In fact, Tess is afraid of vampyres and struggles with acclimating to the new demands of her job – giving blood, accepting a vampyre;s bite, self-defense training, etiquette training, etc. – and is feeling frustrated during this conversation.

Why share it?

This quote, and the whole book, reminded me that people can change the conversations in their heads. ¬†I’m struggling with a lot of negative self-talk and flashbacks of past conversations with family and abusers. ¬†It leaves me waking up from a nap with my mouth wide open like I’ve been screaming. ¬†Only sometimes, it feels more like I’m struggling to get something out of my mouth. ¬†Or someone is holding my mouth open as I struggle to close it.

And we all needed a good reminder.   Luckily, this reminder also came with examples of how Tess changed the conversations in her head.  And in doing so, she found her courage, strength, and heart.  Tess took steps to change her life and start living again.  She reminded me to do the same.

Maybe this quote will help you too.

Thanks for reading.