On one hand, I enjoy celebrating life and am always grateful for my second chance. Every moment is precious, and all parts of me look forward to the day laugh lines appear on our face.
On the other hand, I feel extremely annoyed about all of the expectations that used to come with birthday celebrations. Parties, going out, being around people, and all kinds of activities that were meant to be “fun” ended up something else in my personal experience.
My favorite kind of gift is when someone close says “happy birthday” and means it. If the individual chooses to give me something too, that’s always appreciated and valued.
Giving and receiving of gifts means a lot to many people. I have a hard time accepting gifts sometimes. It goes back to my past trauma, triggers, and fears. Wanting something and asking for it as a gift – didn’t always get me what I wanted. Sometimes it got me the opposite.
But these days, I can trust the people who want to give me gifts to give me something I will enjoy instead of something they think I will enjoy.
My best gift today was talking with my dad on via video chat. We talked for an hour about so many different topics. I got to see his smile and hear him laugh. He passed the device around so I got to talk with my aunts and uncles too.
It was a great start to my day and brings out hope that things will keep getting better.
My last birthday wish (or hope) is for all of my guests to have a fun day or peaceful sleep after reading this birthday post.
Today is your birthday. I wish you all the best and a joyful day full of fun and laughter. I love you and accept you as you are always. You are my mother, a wife, an aunt, a sister, and a daughter to many. To others, you are a friend, a co-worker, or some other label.
We will never be traditional mother and daughter. You don’t always like to admit having a full grown daughter, let alone one like me. That’s okay too. I forgive you for all that has happened between us. I forgive myself for sometimes hating what happened to both of us. Hate only gives me heartburn…but pockets still exist and need to be released.
I used to shudder and sleep through nightmares on your birthday – living in remembered fear of the past. Now, I celebrate your special day with unconditional love and acceptance. I hope some day you will accept me as I am too.