Nurture, Support, Be Your Authentic Self. Organize and work with...not against...yourself

Writing and Blogging: My Process

Coffee Plant inspiration as I look out the window. A little support goes a long way

Inspiration

The coffee plant is one of my roommates and great source of inspiration.

It and a few other plants keep me company near my work desk.

The stick in front of the coffee plant offers some extra support while the roots settle in after being re-potted.

So why add this image and description to a post about writing and blogging?

Because writing and blogging, like any activity, is not a truly solitary experience. At least, not for all parts of me.

Alters who can move and use our physical body will follow traditional writing methods – like typing or writing outlines and drafts in electronic or paper notebooks. Alters who cannot use our body have their own methods of “writing” and “drafting” posts. Then they pass the information to an alter personality who can use our body to share the post here.

abstract abstract background art art background
Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

My point being: we can all use some extra support once in a while because it’s really hard to get out of our own way.

Especially when we are the obstacle(s)  and don’t realize it.

Sharing my process

Since I couldn’t figure out a way to share my blogging tips without writing a short book, I decided to share the outline with you instead. This way, you can take what you want (i.e. anything that seems helpful), and discard the rest as you work on your writing and blogging skills

Concept

  • Overall Idea, goal, or purpose for this blog
  • Related topics you can write about
  • Who you are writing for (besides yourself)?
  • Are you going to build a community with comments?
  • Are you gong to not allow comments and keep this strictly informational only?

Due Diligence

  • Do your research
  • What you know and skills you already have to make this work
  • Knowledge Gaps and how to compensate for or address them
  • What platform are you going to use?
  • How much time and money can you afford to invest in this project? 

Organization

  • Choose a hosting platform – Blogger, WordPress, GoDaddy are a few examples
  • Create an account
  • Decide on basic schedule for posts and addressing comments (if any)
  • Keep it simple and build slowly
  • Will you add web pages too? How will they look? What kind of information will you add here?

Priorities

  • Do you want ads on your blog?
  • Do you plan to use the blog to make money?
  • Will you add the blog to your social media accounts?
  • How important is attracting followers? How will you cope with having or not having followers?

Simple Structure

  • Home Page or straight to the blog?
  • About Me page?
  • Contact or no contact?

Write

  • Are you going to add photos?
  • How long do you intend to spend on writing each post?
  • For a consistent look & feel, creating a formatting template (or 3) helps

Work Space

  • Where do you plan on working?
  • Is noise a problem?
  • How can you modify your work space to feel safe, comfortable, inspiring, etc.?
    • p.s. you can substitute “safe, comfortable, inspiring” for other words that suit your needs
  • Can you focus on our work with minimal distractions?
  • Can you take breaks and relax in your work space? Or will you go somewhere else?

Back to the Featured Image

Nurture, Support, Be Your Authentic Self. Organize and work with...not against...yourself

As you can guess, I am often my own worst enemy when it comes to success.

Hopefully this image inspires you and me (all parts of me) to be kinder to ourselves in all aspects of our lives.

Thanks for reading

Alter Post: Mother’s…Daughters…Secrets & Confessions

Trigger warning…this post discusses what many consider a taboo topic related to sexual abuse. The post is written by alter personalities, uses a journal format, and is shared unedited.

I have a confession.
A secret not yet shared here on the blog.
One that I have accepted, am not ashamed of anymore, yet still have trouble talking and writing about anywhere.

I’m not trying to tease you by drawing this out. I am trying to be careful, considerate, and kind to myself as I write this and share it with you.

Have you ever heard of mother daughter sexual abuse?
It’s real.

So if you want to know learn more, use the “Read More” tag below.

Read More »

Life Quirks: Technology Troglodyte

*This is for the guests who comment on my Home and About This Site Pages. *

The Trigger:

Technology scares all of the alters in our system.  For us, technology is a means to an end that allows us to avoid depending on paper for organization.

Some technology is also a trigger.  But other technology is useful enough that it’s become an integral part of my life (skip to the end for more on this).

Comment Question Addressed – you can stop here if you want…

Point is: this website, blog, etc. came about because I had to face my fear of technology for work and decided to apply the lessons here to create this website and blog too. Technology and electronics are a big weakness in my knowledge, experience, and lifestyle choices.

I learn what is needed to do my job and make life easier. The rest passes me by faster than cars pass each other on the highway’s fast lane.

Why? Learning is fun and appeases my curiosity. Technology, not so much. So I balance my need to understand technology with the fun of learning to improve this site.

Read More »

Self Care: Taking Care of a Cold

History of Colds/Sinus Infections

Around this time every year, I start getting a recurring stuffy nose/cold symptoms that sometimes feel like sinus infections. Part of it is body memories. Part of it is real illness. Problem is I usually can’t tell the difference because any cold symptom triggers anxiety and body memories for my alters. Alters whose automatic defense mechanism kick in to hide the severity or intensity of the symptoms as long as possible from everyone.

The “cold” doesn’t start to get better until everyone acknowledges to another person that the cold is real. Then all of the symptoms mysteriously appear to make all of me feel miserable.

Last year it turned into the flu for reasons beyond my control.

This year, it feels like a head/chest cold with some sinus pressure. But my head still hurts, sinuses still hurt, sneezing is loud and unpredictable, and really, really just want to sleep.

The downside:

  • Can’t take over the counter (OTC) medicine
  • Can’t take prescription medicine or antibiotics
  • Going to the doctor won’t help much except to confirm the existence of a cold or sinus infection
  • Don’t feel like going to Chinese medicine for an appointment either – none of my alters want to get treated by a new intern right now

The upside:

  • I can take care of the symptoms on my own for a few days using the herbs and aromatherapy already in my apartment
  • If this gets worse, all parts of me agree to go for a Chinese medicine appointment
  • Our body is less reactive to this trigger, so we have an easier time knowing the difference between body memories and true illness
  • Living in my body and learning what the different sensations helped me (and the others) notice the difference between how my body feels when it is healthy vs unhealthy
  • Past experience taught me that diffusing eucalyptus and peppermint oil helped clear my sinuses and make breathing easier
    • (do not diffuse if you have pets; please use a different inhalation or topical method)
  • Same with an OTC herbal tincture (left over from last year’s intern appointments) that worked specifically for head colds

A Nice Surprise

To be quite honest, I was not expecting any of this to work. My alters can be stubborn about triggers and flashbacks related to illness. They have (in the past) blocked and hidden symptoms from doctors during visits so all of us end up confused about why I visited. They have also been known to switch and take over so that even when I or other parts want to rest we keep going instead.

I think the turning point for this time (we were only in denial for 3 days instead of weeks) was our new plant friends.

If you’ve read past posts, you know that I believe every person has special gifts they can choose to accept and develop or deny and ignore. Me personally, I prefer to accept all of my gifts and explore how they help me become a better version of my authentic self.

Now back to plants – many avid gardeners and growers believe in talking to their plants. Playing music is also beneficial. I also believe that my plants talk to me – not with words – in their own special language. They tell me when they want more water or need to be moved to a different location in the apartment when their leaves droop or start to turn brown. Happy plants are bright green or greenish with leaves and stems standing up or extended out.

So what happened?

My plants were not thirsty, cold, or in need of a move, but their leaves started drooping. And their colors got dull on the first day I woke up feeling sick. Each day, as my cold got worse, their leaves drooped more.

Not until I started taking care of the cold with my favorite drinks (peppermint tea and hot water with honey), aromatherapy, and herbs did they start to perk up.

My plants are perkier now, but still not like before so I know I have ways to go before the cold is gone.

Self Care

  • If the cold doesn’t get better by Tuesday, I will go to the Chinese Medicine clinic for assistance.
  • While there, I’ll also stop at the medicinally to pick up more of the OTC herbal tincture and cough drops that also help
  • More sleep and rest because Monday is a work day…thankful this week is slow instead of busy
  • Figure out grocery and cooking situation because pretty much all of me wants soup, soup, and more soup.
  • Continue with the aromatherapy too because it really does help with the sinus pressure and stuffy nose.

Question

How do you handle colds? Does illness affect you in similar ways?

I hope you all stay healthy and warm (or cool if you live in the Southern hemisphere).

Thanks for reading.

Self Care: An off-the-cuff story

I had something else planned for today, but decided to share an unedited story instead.

Verbal communication is a big trigger for me.  I tend to not talk as much as possible because a fear of what could/will come out of my mouth when the automatic defense mechanisms kick in.  The range is extensive:

From mildly irritating and insulting to verbally/emotionally abusive, mean, evil, manipulative, shaming, and purposefully hurtful in such a way that will get me fired and/or blacklisted from work or other places.

Actually, that probably did happen in the past – work or friend circles or socializing – and one of many reasons why I deliberately isolated in the past.

And it’s one of the ways my PTSD still expresses itself: dissociation, depersonalization, hyper-vigilance, extreme reactions to stimuli or “normal” situations, anger management issues, irritability, anxiety, etc. all here

What does that mean exactly?
It means that I can talk and work well with others when my anxiety and triggers don’t interfere.  But I hesitate to do this because the triggers and anxiety are so strong that my automatic defense mechanism kick in without any self awareness.  In counseling, I shared that maybe (and this is optimistic) 50% of the time I can feel the trigger before my defenses kick in.  And less often than that, I can stop the automatic defenses.

This whole verbal communication issue is going to be a life long coping challenge.  The amount of self care and coping strategies just to manage work meetings is enormous.  When I have work meetings combined with managing social situations (interacting with neighbors, friends, family, and store/restaurant employees), well something has to give.

My alters took over some of the socializing (for a few it was their first time in the outside world), but then got triggered and had panic attacks inside our mind.  On one hand this is good because it means we all are recovering and healing.  On the other hand, it leaves in new territory trying to figure out how to cope with alters wanting to participate in the outside world too.

Lessons learned

That’s part of the reason why I’ve been quiet this week.  And why the shared info posts have been less descriptive than usual.  My brain is kind of mushy.  Everyone is tired and grumpy.  Lots of mistakes and lessons learned from internal and external experiences.  There are deadlines at work, and chores to do – chores no one enjoys – that require facing other triggers.  Bathrooms and basements are still scary.  Laundry is scary.  And at this point, none of us really want to be social.  With anyone.  But going out of the apartment to do laundry or take out trash, etc., means the potential to run into other people.

And while all of us had hoped that moving someplace else would bring out positive changes and less of the hate/negativity, etc., we accept that certain hostilities exist everywhere.  And being different, looking different, living on our own  terms makes us a target wherever we go.  Bullies are everywhere.  Racists are more open about their prejudices.  If they can get away with intimidation and harassment, they will and do.

Unless I/we choose to live in a remote cabin off the grid and get everything delivered, there is no escaping people and problems like that.

Self Care and Coping Strategies

Instead, all 88 of us are choosing to work within our limitations and enjoy life as best as possible.  That’s our updated version of self care.

What does the Self Care look like?

  • Work at a job with flexible hours that doesn’t require working in an office or extensive commuting
  • Choose distance learning with self-learning options instead of structured timelines for course completion and attendance requirements
  • Focus on improving our internal family systems’ communication and participation in life
  • Limit socialization and feeling comfortable staying inside instead of feeling shame about choosing solitude and feeling anxiety about running in to neighbors/people at the building
  • Face certain triggers to put up decorations around the apartment and let go of unnecessary clutter
  • Make choices and budget money/time to accomplish home decorating and organizing tasks
  • Continue with meditation and crystal work as part of every day coping strategies
  • Find a park or grassy/wooded/beach area to visit and meditate or exercise or relax and enjoy nature
  • Resolve lingering issues with my mom’s side of the family – find a way to safely communicate and be part of each other’s lives if only in a peripheral sense
  • Take small steps to improve self trust and remove more past conditioning

Life is always interesting and never lonely for us.  Often scary, weird, and loud, but we are never alone.

Thanks for reading