In past posts, I’ve talked about how journaling triggers anger and other negative feelings inside me instead of helping me cope.
Journaling also felt scary and overwhelming because it brought out thoughts, feelings, memories, and sensations I wasn’t ready to acknowledge or accept about myself. Stuff that made me feel like a monster or an alien or out of place in this world because my sensory perception and intuition are different from “normal” or “average” people.
I didn’t want to put those words on paper. Not again. Because putting words on paper makes them real. And gives others a glimpse into my private world. Or an excuse to manipulate/abuse/control/shame/hurt me.
But something happened in the last few weeks. Something inside me has shifted. Maybe it’s living in a more open and accepting city. Maybe it’s the next cycle in my recovery. Or maybe I am finally ready to accept the parts of me that attracted the monsters back then.
Either way, I started journaling again. And collecting crystals. And inviting plants into my home as roommates. The crystals help me feel safe and protected. The plants bring joy and clean energy into my apartment. The journaling helps me gain closure with the monsters in my past without having to confront them physically or over the phone.
So, here is the letter I wrote to my shame. Maybe it will inspire you to accept that whatever trauma happened to you wasn’t your fault either.
You think you are still ingrained in me. But you are not. That shivery, shaking feeling you experience is the moors connecting us falling apart. You go home. To the ones who created you. To the ones you belong to.
Not me. Not us.
Them. The monsters.
As such, you are also a monster.
Monster #23 ->beyond (past, present, future)
When your cause is just, your purpose to educate and inform, you are welcome, valued, respected and accepted by all of us. Otherwise, shame, please go home and leave us alone.
Thanks for reading