A mobile home
For decades, I carried home inside. The most important bits (feeling safe, creating a sense of safety, meeting basic needs, self-soothing) were not tied down to anything physical. That enabled me to de-clutter until only a few boxes of treasures remained and let me leave reminders of my past (with emotional baggage) behind.
- Every item in my possession was something I bought for myself
- Every item carried a positive attachment – emotional, spiritual, physical
- Every item suited my current lifestyle
- All items with negative attachments were removed
- I never invested making the apartments feel like home
- I never put down roots
- I spent a lot of money on moving instead of saving
- I always worried about finances
A temporary home
Moving to a new state allowed me to change perspective and get out of the vicious moving cycle. While I hoped that my next place would be my last one, I planned for at least one more move. Renting an apartment long distance means a lot of unknowns have to be addressed after move-in. Working remote also has to be taken into consideration.
And living small has different meanings – minimalist? tiny house? micro-apartment? studio? loft? one bedroom/bathroom?
Can any of these spaces also fit a home office?
Creating a home
So what does a home look and feel like to me?
feels safe; brings joy; allows space for play/relaxation/hobbies; meets physical, emotional, and spiritual needs; and reflects who I am
Wait, what? How can a home do that? Tall order, don’t you think?
NO. Not anymore.
What do I mean? Well, 10 years of moving (yikes!?) has shown me that sometimes even spaces that look “right” at first glance or on paper are not.
Ignoring my instincts = unhappy living situation.
Why is this important? I hope to learn from past mistakes and not let shame or fear triggers guide me into choosing another “wrong” place. Here are some examples of triggers I ignored in the past:
- lots of walls – walls remind me of being trapped and enclosed with abusers and perpetrators
- lots of space – I can’t properly protect and defend myself or my environment without spending a lot of money
- noisy neighbors or neighborhood – parties, nearby restaurants & bars, highway/street traffic, construction
- obvious lack of maintenance in apartment and around building – If pests can get in, how safe am I really? What else can be hidden inside those cracks?
Before, I didn’t feel like I deserved a real home. Neither did my alter personalities. Past experience of “home” did not feel safe. Redefining the meaning of “home” has been one of our many projects. Now, all of us feel like we deserve a real home.
Guest/Reader Questions to think about
- What does “home” mean to you?
- Is your home “mobile” or “stationary” or “permanent” or “temporary” or “something else”?
- How do you create a home for yourself?
- Do you listen to your instincts?
Thanks for reading