Wednesday passed in a blur. I felt so tired that I fell asleep early. And most of the day was full of distractions. I didn’t have time to look for a quote or affirmation that suited this post until today. That’s what happens with a major schedule change.
Many people have negative beliefs about change. They think change is too hard to accomplish or not worth doing. Or maybe people can’t change.
Another common belief is that others need to change, but not the individual asking others to change. Or that people can change other people.
What I’ve learned:
- Change happens.
- Change is hard – the realization; the acceptance; the choices; the consequences
- People can’t change other people, not permanently and not without causing serious harm.
- People can and do change themselves. They have to want to change in order for the changes to stick.
- Influence, persuasion, and coercion are not the same as change.
- If someone mentions dogs, horses, or trained circus animals, I will tell you this: dogs change, follow and obey because they want to please their humans; horses are the same; trained circus animals in the past changed or obeyed to avoid pain and punishment. It’s a choice – change for a positive or negative reason
- Change is inevitable – sometimes people recognize it, but most times no one really notices until some experience forces awareness.
- I’d rather be in control of my life, it’s changes, and the direction I choose to follow
- Recovery is all about change – internal and external for the individual on the path
Surviving at any cost means changing and adapting to the circumstances of life. It means making choices and following through on them; then living with the consequences later. The consequences can be what triggers a mental health issue. Like when I think of all of the mean, negative things I had to say and do to other people, people I cared about, as a child/teen/young adult I feel incredible shame and guilt.
But then I step back and ask myself if I would change anything. Or if being kind and nice and positive then would have helped me survive? And the answer is: no, I wouldn’t change my past words and actions. Being positive or kind or nice back then wouldn’t have helped me or anyone else around me.
People who hate change or won’t/can’t accept it will cause people who are changing a lot of trouble. Relationships will get stronger, may crumble, or something else? Many of mine crumbled and died. Others got stronger. And new relationships were forged. I found a family and real friends – not something I could ever have or cherish if I had stayed on the other path.
How do you feel about change? Do you fight it? Do you accept it? Do you struggle in a different way?
All I know is that recovery and resilience get easier if you can embrace, not just accept, change and make change work for you instead of against you.
Thanks for reading.