Dissociation: Emotion Regulation during Dissociation

One of the hardest parts about living and interacting with the outside world is being able to regulate my emotions when I dissociate.  Many times, anger triggers dissociation and switching.  Then an alter comes out to deal with the situation.  Once over, that alter retreats, and I or one of the other “in-charge” alters comes back with no clue what just happened.

That’s scary.  It feels out of control.  The memories of what happened don’t always come back right away.  Used to be those alters wouldn’t share what happened for weeks, months, years, even decades.  Now, they share within hours or days.  But the sharing comes as nightmares or daydreams out of context of when/where/how anything happened.  Like living in 2 realities.

The past few days, I’ve been working on an exercise to write down what I am doing, thinking, and feeling whenever I feel even a little anger.  Only problem is that I have not felt any anger this week.  I felt sad, scared, and upset.  I felt guilt and shame too.

Now I have to wonder if maybe one of these emotions is the real trigger.  And then everything else gets expressed as anger.

Maybe someday, this will stop.  And then I will feel more confident interacting and socializing with people.  I will remember what happens when my boundaries get crossed and why people are treating me a certain way.  I will remember why they feel the right to treat me that way and why I feel the need to be wary of them even though being polite is a must.

Finally, maybe this will help with some of the feelings of shame and guilt that come with the periods of not remembering.

Thanks for reading today’s ramble.

5 thoughts on “Dissociation: Emotion Regulation during Dissociation

  1. You certainly weren’t rambling on in my estimation. Sometimes what is on the tip or pinnacle and let go is absolute truth. I learned this for myself in art class with a wonderful instructor who guided me into, out of and through an experience exposed onto a canvas. I tried so hard to express myself, get it out, make it right, exactly . . . but it only worked when I let it go, no reference, no entanglements. The theory of relativity, no concepts, no rigidity, systems free to relate and correspond differently is what I think about to put my system in flight and free myself.
    Thank you so much for posting

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    • Good. Sometimes I can’t tell; we all chime in sometimes and repeat ourselves. You’re welcome and thank you for sharing your experience. Theory of relativity makes a lot of sense the way you explained it. Next time this happens, I will feel less anxious about letting go.

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  2. Thank you so much for this post. This time of year is especially difficult for me too. Sometimes I cannot leave the house, even to pick up the mail, because any kind of exposure to the outside is dangerous. My birthday happens to fall on the 1st of November and to be raised Roman Catholic puts my birth in direct conflict with the ultimate evil pagan holiday. My birthday holiday represents the triumph of good over evil and somehow obligated me to defend it or be destroyed as I grew up. There are many practices under the guise of Catholicism, deep, far away, hidden places. I understand. Thanks again for making so much sense.

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