Sometimes I run full speed ahead with life because I can’t make myself stop and sleep. I rest as often as possible, relax at home, use sleep hygiene routines and coping strategies, and so on. But the memories and triggers haunt me from day to night and back again.
It used to be that I did this on purpose. I would go and go and go without proper self care (nutrition, rest, cleanliness, exercise, socializing, etc.) until I passed out into sleep out of pure exhaustion – aka crashing. I never knew how long I would last for; that depended on too many variables. But every crash seemed to placate the donors into leaving me/us alone for a while. So it was a good strategy while living at home.
These days, all of us have learned the value of sleep: deep, solid, restful sleep that leaves us wide awake and full of energy in the mornings. And most of this weekend was spent sleeping. Thursday passed with happiness in hour hearts. Friday was calm and peaceful with some small successes. All interspersed with naps throughout the day. And, between yesterday and today, we probably spent about 15 hours awake in total. Most of that time was spent accomplishing tasks, cooking, and eating.
Sometimes it’s ok to crash. Our bodies know when we need to sleep. And our minds understand how important sleep is. And no matter what our past or present tells us about the evils of sleep, our bodies and brains know the truth. They will override the mind and protect us if we let them. And for the first time in many years, spent a whole holiday weekend without nightmares.
Someday, I hope you will too.